Heaven Beneath Our Hell
by ValaGillian
Summary: There’s a different feel about her tonight. It’s got me thinking lots of crazy things. MSR


Heaven Beneath Our Hell By: ValaGillian 

Summary: There's a different feel about her tonight. It's got me thinking lots of crazy things. MSR

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Files, Mulder, or Scully. I will make no profit from this fanfic.

The soft lamplight seemed to cast an affectionate glow across the room making it appear candlelit. The sheets shifted beneath us as I hold her in my arms. She's freezing. I pull her to me a little tighter. It hurts to see her this way, shaking and frightened. This quest, this never-ending journey – It's not worth it.

"It's not worth it, Scully"

I know she doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. There's a different feel about her tonight. It's got me thinking lots of crazy things. I'm supposed to be comforting her; instead I'm pouring salt into the seeping bloody wound of regret. A shared regret that we have both felt festering in our blood stream but have ignored over the past few years. The regret of her cancer, a disease that they gave her just to make me believe. The regret of her sister's death. The regret I keep 24/7 about yanking her into my hell. But the most painful of all is the regret that through it all we have stayed strong together as partners, as friends, but as nothing more.

When we get old and retire from the Bureau, when we no longer run the X-Files, when there's no work left for us to do who's going to visit us at Christmas? Who's going to sit around the table with us at Thanksgiving? Or will there be only one table setting? This regret is felt the deepest. This regret is felt the hardest and carries the worst punch.

"What?" she asks.

This brings me out of my mental wrestling match with myself and I look back down at her cheek and breathe in the smell of her perfume and shampoo so close to me, my lips so near her own. She can't stay here, not like this, not after the day we've had, especially that baby, I can't bear it.

"I want you to go home."

"Mulder, I'm going to be fine."

That's her standard defense mechanism. I don't think so. I'm getting in, Scully so you might as well open up and listen.

"No, I've been thinking about it. Looking at you today, holding that baby, knowing everything that's been taken away from you. The chance for motherhood and you health. And it made me think that maybe they're right."

"Who's right?"

Oh, now she's paying attention. This is not good. Of course, I never thought I'd be saying this but that's true concerning a lot of things about Scully and my relationship with her.

"The FBI. Maybe what they say is true, if for all the wrong reasons it's the personal costs that are too high."

I bring my face closer to hers and let it rub against her cheek. My hot breath pats her face and bounces back to me, giving emphasis on what I'm about to say.

"There's so much more you need to do with your life. So much more than this."

I know I'm hurting her. I'm tearing myself apart with these words but they are the truth. We have to end this deadly tango somehow. Either together forever or apart for eternity. Jesus, please let it be together… I brush a stray strand of hair out of her face. Please…

"There has to be an end, Scully."

Now I tenderly kiss her cheek, maybe for the last time. She pulls my hand up near her face and holds it tight in a loving embrace.

There is a long silence following my painful confession. She starts to move away from me and the only thought running through my head is that it's for good. I will never hold her in my arms again, comfort her in danger, or kiss her lips in the heat of passion.

But, to my surprise she leans back against me and it is only now that I realize she leaned over to the side of the bed to turn off the light. I didn't even notice in my fit of panic.

"Ah-hem"

She clears her throat and I accept the invitation and turn to my side to flip off the remaining lamplight. I motion to slide back against her on top of the covers when she tells me instead,

"Under."

Is this really happening? Scully is letting me comfort her in her most desperate of times. And in this way? My heart leaps with joy, comfort, love, and relief. After lifting the covers and letting the remaining pictures of Ray Housie fall carelessly to the floor I slide under the sheets and gravitate over to her.

Scully lets out a sigh that I gladly echo in return. This is the heaven that lies amongst our hell. I'm wrapped completely around her, protecting her, making her feel safe and making me feel relief and something else I dare not name.

The room is completely dark now, except for the minute amount of light coming in from the post outside. I feel her stir against me and turn over to face me tears welling up in her eyes; tears that make my heart clench in pain and love for this woman in my arms. I can see her coming toward me, her beautiful face coming tantalizingly close to my own. I got a funny feeling the moment that her lips touched mine. Something shot straight through me. My heart skipped a beat in time.

The surprise was almost too much to fathom but I somehow managed to gain control of my senses and look her deep in the eyes. What I saw in those bottomless blue eyes was unrecognizable. A mixture of pain, fear, and what appeared to be love. Love? This has to be a dream. I know I love this woman more than I could ever articulate into words. But to say that she has the same appealing hunger towards me that I have for her is too much. My thoughts vanish when I feel her lips upon mine once again.

Love, yes I want to believe. But I have to be sure. I sever the electrifying kiss to see that she's out of breath. It's at that point that I realize just how hard _I'm_ breathing and how my body is definitely reacting.

The confusion in her eyes is obvious but I still ask the necessary question. The question that will answer years of unanswered questions. The question that is now a matter of life and death for us both. I take a deep breath and whisper, my lips only centimeters her.

"Scully, are you sure this is what you want? You've been through so much, I guess I just need to know that you'll still be here in the morning."

With that I flash an immediate smile and she smiles in return. My heart is pounding in my chest. I can hear the ticking of the clock across the room. Please, Scully say yes. Please…

"Mulder, look at me."

I obey realizing that I had my eyes shut so tight I could see the various colors of the rainbow.

"Mulder…"

Her eyes are certain and I know she will speak the truth at whatever cost to our current situation. God, Scully…

"Mulder, this is right. We both know it is. Whatever regret or concern is making you unsure is just holding us back. Keeping us from our only heaven amongst all other hells. Please believe me when I say, I love you."

At that moment I swear I saw a flash of light and thunder streak the atmosphere all around us. Scully just opened up to me all the way. I now occupy the deepest, furthest region of her heart and now I believe that's right where she wants me to be. Right where I need to be.

"I want to believe…"

With that I lean down and kiss her, wrapping her up in my heated embrace. The passion that's been building up for seven long years now being released. I can feel the electricity move within me. The sheets cocoon us together during our lovemaking and this is what heaven feels like. Our heaven beneath our hell.

The End!

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